To Date Or Not To Date: Continous Heads On Collision Into Date-Land

It seems that for the past year or so, I have been on a mission. Looking back, I realize that I must have wanted something from these dates that I so willingly allow myself to be subjected to countless of emotions. It was not a roller coaster ride. Hardly any emotions involved. Rather, it was like riding on a bullet train. Speedy and impersonal. Not that I didn't enjoy it. But it got me thinking this inevitable question: What is it that I really want? Loneliness creeps in at odd intervals, playing and tugging at my emotional chords.

One of the man I currently date asked me a question: Is it the quantity or quality that constitute the substantial predicament that I so willingly land myself in?. As I ponder on this question, I realize that it's not an easy one to answer because, one, it might make me look like some cheap-o who allows herself to be courted by so many men (not that anything really happens anyway) and two, it makes me feel that people can and will undermine my judgment, and no matter how i justify it, I still look like a cheap-o anyway. Sigh. I will loose hands down.

Let's analyze this issue with me. I am thirty-three years old. I am divorced with two kids. What should I hope or ask for in a relationship? Looking from a relative's point of view, an aunt told me this, 'Farah, you are still very young. Find a husband and get married'. Really? I mean, seriously, did she think it's that easy? Been there, done that. It didn't work out. So, live with it. Do people really think that marriage is a solution to everything? Let's get religion out of the way here, since all of us know that the noblest thing for a divorced Muslim woman to do would be to get married and not to live life promiscuously, as it is the common stigma and notion attached to us. Relatives, also it seems, think that their divorce family member deserves to marry a single man. Hmm. Question: If your son/nephew/brother marries a divorcee with two kids, what would your reaction be? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the most distinctive and initial reaction would be utmost shock and non-acceptance (okay, let's not dramatize and over-generalize. Not everyone's reaction will be that, but, then again...)

Let's not even talk about marriage. Well, at least not yet. Finding the right candidate itself is not easy. So this is the part where I try to justify myself. I go on a date-spree. Serial-dating, I call it. Some find it humorous. Others don't. I don't lie to the guys I date. I am a self-proclaimed realist. I am open and am very frank with them about my stand on serial-dating. Some can take it, some can't. Some stay. Some go. I don't stop them, as much as they want me to. Years ago, I would never have thought of doing this. Girl with well brought-up background-who were taught to chew our food quietly, who do not ask for second servings or jump on a couch and be naughty in someone's house less we wish to be pinched inconspicuously underneath the table- just don't serial-date. That world would be unheard of, taboo. We were brought up , all prim and proper, sent off to college, graduate with a good degree and then marry into a good family. Girls with good upbringings just don't go and get divorced. But, the reality is, divorce happens. It knows no boundaries. It's like cancer. it can strike any moment. I am very much open about my divorce as compared to before. I have become an extrovert. Gone are the days where good girls keep their divorce (horrors!) sub-rosa or incognito, an obscure secret. Keeping it obscure is a cardinal sin, paramount to wearing a corset, all tight, leaving you breathless, and your boobs squashed and pushed and all you really want to do is just to tug at the hooks on the back of the corset to free it. And once it comes off, you breath a sigh of relief and you won't want to put in on again for a long time. A simple lacy brassiere would do.

Dating scene. Now, the word itself cannot do justice to the actual act in itself. There's dating. And there's dating. All those who know me well agree that I should not limit my options and be loyal, well, at least not yet. They think I should go crazy and help myself to second and third servings of the buffet line. So I did. I helped myself to the different soups and salads, then the starters, main course-comprising of the different types of meat and poultry cooked rare, medium or well done. Well-done's, true to its name, are easy to get. They are more submissive and hang on to my every word. Although I do love to be waited on hand to foot, I'd rather not have someone agreeing with me all the time, it would be like having nasi lemak without the sambal, if you catch the drift. It's too mundane and monotonous.

So, I serial date. I am on a mission to find my soul-mate, whoever he is. I can tell you how unbelievably difficult and frustrating it is to find the right person. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Of course, my dear friend Melissa said, you don't find true love, it finds you. My argument is, God gave us the brains and the resources to explore beyond our capabilities and boundaries. Explore our minds. Be open. If we are just going to sit back and wait for love to fall on our laps, well, here's news for the jejune and unjaded, Marco Polo embarked on an epic journey to Asia, which inspired the likes of Christopher Columbus and if it weren't for these martyrs, the world we know would be very different. Anything that comes to someone very easily is not appreciated as much as something one has had to work hard to get. If everything came easy there would be no drive in people, no striving to better ourselves. We need this to have purpose in our lives. Not to say that people don't always want what comes easy, but from my own experiences, when I have had to work hard to get something, it was always a good feeling, and an accomplishment. Makes me feel good about myself. that I can get something I want by going for it!

So hence, the dates that I have to go through, in my quest to fine this soul-mate of mine, my companion. I find that when it comes to men-love, commitment and relationships-is a voluminous topic and is undoubtedly very subjective. Personally, There is always something inhibiting the relationship that I would like to have with man I find interesting. Is it because I attract people I can't have? Sigh. Maybe. Who is to say who I can or cannot have? Only those looking from the outside tend to insinuate this fact insensitively. I find myself these days drawn to articulateness, a man who is discerning, perceptive with an innate capacity to accomplish something. Yes, those kind of men turns me on these days. For some friends who laugh it off as a bunch of idiosyncratic notion beguiling me, (yes, they seem to think I should come back to reality since the world is short or begone of such species), but I am positive that I will find him. He might not be perfect in so many ways, but he is somewhere out there. In life, we always plan the best path to take to get to our destination. Unfortunately, we tend to forget there is a greater force out there who makes this life interesting with its twists and turns somewhere along the way. I believe this makes us stronger beings. It makes us the person we were intended to be. It prepares us for a mission. I couldn't resist the pun, excuse me.

I'm Backk!

I'm back!! Gosh, it seems like i haven't blogged for a really long time! Hmm...hopefully i haven't lost my flair for writing... :) Hop on board people, and follow me on another adventure into 2010. Hopefully this year is a better year.

Mr.Floor Manager

Mr. Floor Manager and I have had a on-off kinda relationship. Apparently, he has always liked me. Almost a year before he had the courage to ask my number. We would see each other in the office, or on the way to the cafeteria and we would smile and wave to each other. He'd turn once. And he'll always turn a second, and third time. Hehe...He's cute and about six years younger than me. I guess he thought I was younger.

All those smiles, and kirim salams were what I called the 'golden period'. It was sweet and fun while it lasted. Really, remember those days when a guy sends you his regards and you giggle sheepishly, smiling yourself silly. Yeah, that was how I felt initially.

Then came the company dinner where I actually held a long conversation with him. Long meant more than 3 seconds. Apparently he came because of me. Wow. Impressive. Yeah we danced and talked. And he asked my number that night. He text me later wishing me goodnight. Sigh...

Then the next night he called me. At first all was fine. Then he started talking about all the other girls he went out with. About the girl who gave him a birthday 'surprise' just a couple of days before...oh God. Really, even if he did, must i know about his bedroom stories? I wasn't in the least interested nor fascinated.

That cut off whatever feelings I had for him. It was a pity and good while it lasted. I really can't stand this trait in any guy. I think I speak for a majority of girls when I say we like to be the center of attention

Mr. Young-And-Cute-Divorcee's Date with Me

As you guys already know, I had my first, much anticipated date with Mr. Young-And-Cute-Divorcee last night. How was it? Sigh...Honestly, I really don't know what to make out of it. He was cute, yes. But he didn't really give my heart flip-flops when I met him. But he was nice, courteous. And he was hanging on to my every word. A definite plus point! I love it when guys just listen to me talk because I love to talk and frankly it's a shame if they don't listen because I have many curious afflictions I'd like to share. Ha-ha...Gosh, talk about being self-centered! Well, at some point in our lives we have to admit that we are just that and hopefully it would not make us any less human in the eyes of the receiver or to those listening.

Umm...It started out with him being a little later than I was. I hate that. I would really appreciate if a guy arrives at a date with me early (okay, now the self-centered-ness is more apparent, I should really shut my mouth now, or more precisely, choose my words carefully). He apologized off course and because he was cute, I forgave him. (What??? Okay, okay, throw that candle holder at me later ya?!) What shall we watch, he asked, smiling at me and holding the back of my waits as he lead me to the escalator. Terminator3 was what I actually wanted to watch but when we got to the ticket counter, the only seat left were too close to the screen. Off course the inner miss-dumb-dumb in me appeared heroically to so-call save the moment. I said why don't we watch the malay ghost movie. That seven-seven-oh-seven movie. He looked at me curiously, as if trying to sum up what kind of person I was and then laughed. You watch local malay movies? He asked, his eyes twinkling. Okay miss-dumb-dumb knows how to save her ass. I recovered from the moment of dumbness as quickly as it came. I said, well, we got to support out local movie industry right? (okay, for your benefit, I am cringing now as I write the words down ha-ha). He said, we can support the local movie industry next time okay...not on our first date. Okay, I said smiling and nodding myself silly. So we ended up watching Harry Potter. Now, I was not really a fan of Harry, nor did I follow any of the other movies, but I said okay anyway. It was a three hour movie after all, if you catch the drift.

We then had dinner in a fast food restaurant. Yeah, I'm eating my words. Not exactly an ideal location for first dates mind you. Well, not for a thirty two year old mommy of two. I remember not too long ago when Mr.Young-Floor-Manager took me out there for dinner. (mr-Young-Floor-Manager is another story which I have yet to tell). I felt like a school kid. It was raining and kind of romantic but I just didn't feel it. See, this is where Mr. No-Commitment surpasses them all. Okay, let's not even go there.

But he was sweet and attentive. He is a soft-spoken guy and I found it appealing. We chatted. Well, more like I chatted. He speaks English well. Which is another plus point for him. Until he started talking about his ex-girlfriend who he apparently still has emotions for but that emotion is not returned (by her) since she sleeps with her ex-boyfriend whenever she fights with him. Hmm...I knew there was a catch somewhere. But he insist he's not in love with her. Okay, go figure.

Time came for the movie and we went in. The movie was quite amusing actually and I regret not following it from the start of the first one many years ago. And since he knew I did not follow it, he kept whispering things I didn't know about the movie in my ear at frequent intervals. Off course after an hour, my hands felt cold and he helped me warm my hands. Hehehe....Yeah, that was nice. And he held my hands throughout the movie. Off course he fell asleep in between. Poor guy. I felt bad for him. He has been helping take care of his dad the whole week, alternating the hospital and work and home to his son. So I let him doze off.

Overall, it was a nice date. I wouldn't say it was fantastic but nothing to shout about either. He said he wants to see me again. But, the question is, do i?

Mr.Mat-Salleh's Date with Me

Psst!..
I had a date. Yeah, I went out with a Mr. Mat-Salleh. He's nice. And short. I didn't want to say 'but short' because it'll make me sound like I was complaining, but he is short. I don't know, most of the guys I go out on dates with are short. Mr. No-Commitment, Mr. Young And Cute Divorcee, Mr. Budding-Musician. Hmmm.....some say it is good luck to have a shorter partner. I don't know. I can't wear heels and I don't feel at all sexy. Well, you are what you believe, so, I have to be positive.

It was an impromptu date. We had been e-mailing and texting each other for sometime now and I had thought of asking him out but I followed my instincts and decided not to. Let him do the asking.

It was a Friday night when he popped the question. Asking me if I wanted to catch a movie with him. After much thought, I said yes. I was tired and I really wasn't in the mood to be in a date. But I was curious about Mr. Mat Salleh. What the heck, I thought, Just Do It! Ha-ha, excuse the pun.

So I found myself dressing up (well, dressing down rather) as it had rained that evening and the weather was pretty cold. Instead of wearing cute, sexy, bust-flattering outfits (nothing works on me, so don't worry peeps), I opted for turtle neck and jeans. Not that hot. But the guy has to like me for me, not what I wear. So, after sending my kids off at my parent's place, I headed off to see him in Pavilion.

Mr. Mat-Salleh is rich. He does not want to watch a movie in anything less than premiere class. It was a RM60 seat each mind you. I had never been in premiere class before. Actually, I had never even thought of premiere class before. It was like watching a movie in an aircraft. The first experience was, I tell you, fantastic. The seats were gigantic. It was soft and we were even given a duvet. It felt like a hotel I tell you. Unfortunately, because of the size, there were practically no space for holding hands or snuggling up. If you wanted to hold hands, you had to put your hands out across to the next seat and it looked silly. I'll be sure not to watch anything in premiere class if I'm watching it with Mr. No-Commitment.

We watched 'The Proposal'. It was hilarious. But I tell you, no one found it funnier than Mr. Mat-Salleh himself. He was cracking up with laughter at every joke, and getting up with jerking motions, laughing himself silly. I tell you, lucky there was only one other couple there and no one else to witness the scene. I kept giving him polite smiles, sending him messages through my non-existent ESP, hoping he'll stop. But he didn't. I think he rather enjoyed himself.

He walked me to my car after the movie and kissed me on both cheeks. But nothing there. No sparks. Nothing. Hmm. I'm beginning to feel like I'm numb, devoid of emotions. How can I not feel anything? He's not that bad looking. Sigh...I don't know. When there is no spark, well, then there just isn't any, I guess.

Some say he's the ideal guy (for me). Mat Salleh. Rich. Muslim. Divorced with a daughter the same age as mine. Well, we'll see how it goes from here. I don't know, I'm not feeling the vibes here, you know what I'm saying?

Mr.Young-And-Cute-Divorcee

Recently my colleague had her friend over for lunch at the hotel. I joined their little company and actually enjoyed the almost one hour session. Off course I noticed there was this good looking guy at the table and that he kept diverting his questions about the hotel to me. But I didn't think anything special of that encounter. Later that evening, my colleague came up to me and said the guy thinks I'm cute. And, he thought I was 24 or 25 years old! Hahaha....funny. Its a compliment really but I'm happy to be thirty two. So I asked my friend if she set the record straight. She said yes and he was definitely surprised. So anyway, the next day he calls the office and we spoke a bit. Then he asked for my mobile number, to text me, yeah you guessed it, silly messages. This is like the umpteenth time a guy actually said this to me when they want my contact number. So anyway, he started texting me and he's kinda okay you know. He's 33 years old. He married early and divorvced two years later. He has a fourteen year old son who lives with his mom. Two days ago he asked me out for a movie. Well, what's a gal got to do right? So I said okay. Yeah, I can't wait to get to know Mr.Young-And-Cute Divorcee and see what he is like. Chances are he will be weird too. Just like the rest. I seem to attract people with problems. Don't know why. But having said that, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. So keep your fingers crossed for me guys. This better be good.Oh, the dinner and movie will be this saturday at klcc. Haha...

Mr.Want-To-Get-Married-Again

I had a call from Mr.Want-To-Get-Married. He wants to see me. He says he thinks we should get to know each other better. I wonder why! I was always sceptical and weary of this particular guy. So I asked him. He said, well, If I have the intention of marrying you, then I might as well get to know you better. Get to know your kids better. Maybe I can come over to your house during weekends. HA!! I knew there was a catch! He wants to come to my house. I wonder why. It doesnt take a genius to figure that out. So I said, leave my children out of this. They will not be subjected to any of this until I am sure that the guy I want is really good enough. He says I should lighten up. Most girls will be flattered to have him at their house. Oh my god, is this guy serious???I am sure they would be flattered so why don't he start by asking them?, I say. Thank you very much for your offer but I don't think so creep!.

Mr. No-Commitment Goes To India

I had an sms from Mr.No-Commitment earlier this week. It was a forwarded sms that went something like this, 'ALERT!, There is a special strain of virus deadlier than H1N1.It afflicts most married men causing restricted mobility, speech impairment, extreme stress, high BP and fast temper. There is no cure and the victim is affected forever.Its called B1N1 (Bini or wife flu)'. Funny right?. Yeah so i told him so and additionally added that he actually thought about me during the week, hence the message. He replied saying why would he forget?. I don't know, I said. Then he asked me how I was. I said good, as always. He said he will be leaving for India next week and asked me what I wanted. needless to say, I was dumstruck. I mean, I don't need to repeat myself over and over but he doesn't want commitment yet he wants to buy me things. From India. Well a gal's got to do what a gal's gotta do! We have to stand up for ourselves. Our self-righteouness. Our Pride. I mean, what does he take me for? If he thinks I'm the kind of girl that excepts gifts from men, then he's darn RIGHT!. hahaha....got you guys there! Anyway, jokes aside, I said okay but my mind was reeling from all sorts of possibilities. Should I ask him to get me costume jewellery? They have beautiful peices there. Or sweets? or a saree? I called my friend Seema, my dating consultant. She said no sweets. You can get those here. But a saree would be nice. A saree. Yes. So I text Mr.No-Commitment and told him I'd like a saree. He said sure, let me know what colour and type you want. Colour was easy. I told him bright turqoise with a tinge of silver or deep reddish-brown. Type?? My inner-miss-dumb-dumb took over and asked him, what do you mean by type? Well, he said. Do you want cotton or silk? Which is more comfortable for you? Well, since silk is more expensive, I said silk. Then as I was smiling to myself on this latest development, something else dawned to me. I quickly picked up my mobile phone and text him. Won't your mom be surprised that you are buying a saree? I typed. half a minute later he replied. I'm fourty, plus my mother couldn't be bothered with my personal life anymore. Yeah, I think I mentioned to everyone before that his mom has lost all hopes of him being maried and all. So there. I'm getting a saree from Mr.No-Commitment who will be going to India next week. As I sit here typing this, I still don't know what to think. Well, whatever it is, I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! This is turning out to be kinda fun!

Miss-Make-A-Fool-Out-Of-Myself-As-Usual!

This was a busy week. We had advertised for various posts needed for the hotel in the newspaper. People were coming in and out of the Executive Office. Wednesday started of as all the other days. Briefing, then paperwork, letters to type out, then the interviews. It was quite boring as my colleague, the sales manager was on mc. So I was doing my work earnestly, when a good-looking guy and his friend walks in the office. Is Anita around?, he asks, smiling at me. I said, no, she's on mc. Then I asked him if he came for an interview. Without blinking, he said yes, his eyes twinkling. Off course, with a zillion things on my mind, I didnt see the twinkle. Oh, okay. What post are you looking for? I asked.What kind of jobs are available, he asked me casually. I blurted out the positions as I knew it the back of my mind. Oh, front office sounds good. Front office? I said. Hold on a minute. Then I called the HR coordinator to confirm if I should give him the clerical or executive application form. She said what kind of post in front office does he want. Some are clerical and some executive. So i hung up the phone and asked him. I handed him an application form. Suddenly his mouth started twitching , as if he couldn't contain his laughter. He said. "No, no. I'm actually Anita's friend. Do you have her number?.

Seriously I felt so silly at that moment. Susah-susah i called HR to find out what form I should give him. I wasted my breath telling him what posts are available. Anyway, he asked my for my mobile number. Apparently he is a producer and he wants to shoot some video here. Anita said he found me hilarious and might ask me out. Hmm. I will not go out with him. He probably got a kick pulling a fast one on me! Creep!

Miss-Make-A-Fool-Of-Myself Again

It was Monday morning and we had our usual briefing. I'm a full fledged secretary now, not afraid of sending out minutes of meeting to the Dubai bosses anymore hehe.(Yeah, there were a few hick-ups a little while ago)...FYI, filling up forms constitute a small part in a secretary's job. So last week I had to fill out the halal certification form for the two F&B outlets..(oh, for shisha lovers, we have a really cozy place for you guys to hang out). My boss had asked the Sales Manager to deal with this matter so all I had to do was get instructions and information from her. I went into her office and asked her briefly about certain things I wasn't sure about. At the end of the first page of the form, in bold, capital letters, it said, 'Remarks'. I was not sure what it meant. So I asked her. She was onto something the senior GM from Dubai asked her to do. So, off-handedly, waving her hands and looking at her PC, she said, 'Just ask them to process quickly,' It was meant as a joke. But since i was so serious in filling up the form properly without having my boss yell 'Faaaraaaaahhh!!' from his office, I wrote it down and subsequently typed it into the form.

So at the Morning meeting, I was earnestly taking down the important notes if the meeting when the halal certification came up. The Sales Manager said everything is in order. Farah has compiled all the relevant information, the menu, and has filled up the form accordingly. Good, good, said my GM, nodding his head as he went through the application form. Then suddenly he stopped at the bottom. Yeah, right where the word 'Remarks' were. His eyes went from the sales manager to me. 'What the hell is this?!' Luckily, my GM is a soft-spoken man, and he does not really like yelling. In the three months that I have worked alone with him, he has never reprimanded me. I lost the master key to the hotel (this key can open all the hotel rooms in the hotel) and he was very calm about it. He said to stop looking for it and it'll turn up. I know he had to breath in and breath out slowly just to say those words to me. Lucky it turned up.

Sorry, I digress. Anyway,I happen to think that my GM has a soft spot for me. He was angry on my behalf yesterday, when....okay, sorry, i will write that in another post. Let's finish this first. Needless to say my already gigantic eyes turned as big as a flying saucer, and i gulped slowly. What? what is it?, asked the sales manager, also looking at me. She is my friend and she knows what I'm capable of pulling. She gave me a meaningful look.

'Kindly speed up the halal certification proces' read my boss. I looked up at the ceiling. I knew the words well. I wrote it, after all. I managed a silly smile at my boss. My sales manager couldn't control her laughter and started laughing. 'You didn't have to write that Farah! I was joking!!'. Luckily, my boss found it funny and started laughing too. Soon, the whole room was in laughter. So in defense of my silly self, I said, 'I'm glad to be of help and make eveyrone laugh!'. Seriously Farah.

This is it, Micheal.

I was driving to work early on Thursday morning when I heard Micheal Jackson passed away. I had goosebumps all over my body! I just couldn't believe my ears. For a while i hoped that it was a hoax and the radio deejays would laugh out loud and call it quits. But that didn't happen. I resigned to the fact the he had passed on after Mix FM started playing his songs back to back. They had strange grave tones while they talked, unlike their usual bubbly not to mention hyper selves.

How could I not feel sad? He is the King of Pop. An enigmatic icon. Someone whose life we followed right back to the days when we were young. He has been in the music scene for the last four decades. That means the last fourty years of his life. That is really an achievement, especially in the Hollywood music industry where people just tend to fall out of fame after a while. But no Micheal. True, he has had many bad publicity over the years, but he will always be Micheal Jackson to many of us.

I was upset that many people disrespect him and disregard him even in his death. They still referred as wacko-jacko or jacko. That was upsetting to see. Its not easy being in the limelight. Not everyone will like you. And there is nothing you can do. In Micheal's case, for many years, there were reports and allegations of child molestation. I personally feel that those people were out to get money out of him. He is such a sweet soul and I don't think he is capable of hurting a flea. Yes, he might be soft spoken and appear as a person who loves personal and physical contact, but that is just him being himself. He loves kids to the point of madness. I think it was because he felt robbed of his childhood being a child star and all. This can be seen in the home he built for himself 'Neverland', and probably depicted himself as Peter Pan, the child who won't grow up. For almost two decades, children from all walks of life enjoyed the rides and parks in Neverland. He really made a difference in respect to his charity work towards children. But he felt strongly about his father's way of discipline. This, obviously, has scarred him for life, and till his death we see how much he hated himself as deep down he felt his father hated him so because he was ugly.

People think Micheal Jackson purposely turned himself into into becoming so white but contrary to people's beliefs, it was unintentional. He was not afraid to be black. In the late 80's, while filming a Pepsi commercial, Micheal's hair caught on fire and he suffered major burns. He had to undergo skin grafting and this left many scars phisically. It was this particular incident that started him on skin repairs and consequently, whitening. Let's not blame him for what was something innocent that turned out to be something that became more of an addiction. People get addicted all the time. Smoking is an addiction. Drinking is an addiction. Skin whitening is an addiction. So what?Why blame him for this? We judge others when we ourselves are not perfect. By doing so, we hurt people in the process. Some are strong and can withstand any insults. Others curl up in a nutshell, becoming a social misfit.

Actually Micheal Jackson was just as normal as you and me. But being a celebrity has its ups and downs. To be popular, you gotta be different. He purposely potrayed himself as a weirdo. He found it hilarious that people want to capture the 'wacko-jacko' part of him. This is proof of when he started wearing the mask. The first time he did it, he was on the way to a press conference, and when he got there, he put on this mask, and those in the car asked him why is he putting on a mask, he smiled and said,'let's give them something to talk about'. See? He also had a fascination for people who are different. Like circus founder P.T Barnum, and the elephant man (he was so fascinated, he actually bought the dead guys bones). i think he felt a strong connection with these people. He knew what is was like to be different, to be laughed at. he was a victim, just like them.

Anyway, I'm glad he had three children whom he'd cut his arms for. It is unfortunate that he died so young. But if you noticed most people of extreme popularity often die young tragically. It is unfortunate that he has overdosed himself. If I'm not wrong, he had skin cancer. So you can imagine the pain he was in. The skin is, after all, the largest organ in our body. The pain was inconceivable.

I'm upset that he died out on us. No more Micheal. But if it means he will no longer feel the pain, either physically or mentally, which was both torturing him to madness, then I guess he is in a better place now. May God bless him and his soul and may he rest in peace. Goodbye Micheal Jackson. This is it.

Mr.Dee-Jay Sings For Me!

As most of you already know, I have been, well, not seeing per se, but 'interacting' with a club deejay for quite some time. He's 32, cute, but he can be a pain in the ass at times. He wants to have a no-commitment relationship and wants to see me on and off for-yeah, you guessed it. WHY??? Why do people instantaneously think I'm up for an immoral way of life when they see me? Actually, I don't really mind if I'm into the guy...heheh...okay, jokes aside (by the way, that's my boss' favorite word. he makes a joke, everyone laughs and he cuts us off with those two words). Okay, so jokes aside, Mr.Dee-Jay has been quite persistent. Asking me out. Texting me daily. Face-booking me. Blah blah blah. I have been quite bad to him, I must say. As time goes by, I sense that he likes me more than he cares to admit. And i start to get scared. I don't know. I get scared when people starts to like me.

So one day, Mr. Dee-jay texts me and says 'Babe, I wrote a song for you'....aww.....so sweet, was my instant reply. I quickly text my girlfriend Seema and told her all about it. Seema thought it was very sweet. Well, to keep it short, here is the song. Sing it to the 'Oh Carol' tune okay.

Oh, Farah...
I'm but a fool
Baby I like you...
Though you treat me cruel...
You hurt me..
And you make me cry...
And if you leave me...
I'll find another gal..

Baby i want to take you out for coffee
Or if you want milooo...
Since you don't really take tea
I'll sacrifice also...
Baby jom let's go out for a movie
Whenever you are free
Or we can watch tv..
Or maybe dvd...

Oh Farah
I may be a fool...
Baby I dig you...
Because you are so cool...
Baby I think you are goddamn pretty...
And I'm not the only one...
My best friend thinks you are such a hotty
I'll be proud if you are mine.

-Raj.

This song came in two batches. Sweet. What do you guys think? Haha!! Guys really are something aren't they?? :) Anyway, I told you I'm bad right? So I told him I didn't really like the song.

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Mr.No-Commitment-Again

Psst!! I had a date with Mr.No-Commitment last friday. It was supposed to have been saturday night, but he text somewhere in the middle of the week to say he's got some family thing on saturday night (my close friend Lisa said, 'yeah right,' to that) but atleast he gave an alternative date which fell on friday. I'd rather have that than having him cancel the date anyway. So, I was really excited on thursday, picking out like ten different things to wear to work. It had to look good as I was meeting him straight after work. Should I wear black, brown, white or multi-coloured? I settled for turquoise and brown. I woke up early on friday morning and took my time dressing up. I always have this feeling of excitement when I meet Mr.No-Commitment. Suffice to say, I couldnt wait for the day to end, so that I could rush to MidValley for dinner and perhaps, movie. We had planned to watch Transformers a couple of months back but unfortunately, it was going to premiere only next wednesday and there wasn't much choice for an interesting movie.

So work was painfully long and never-ending. My boss kept asking me to do this and that. He had a tendency to ask for things when I am about to leave so I was keeping my fingers crossed that he won't resort to it that Friday. Anyway, 6pm finally came. Yeah, as usual, my boss asked for something at the thirteenth hour. I glared at him and pursed my lips. He knew I had a date with Mr. No-Commitment that night. He smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry ah', and he even had the nerve to wink at me!

So anyway, I got it done and off I went to Midvalley. As usual, as I got nearer, my heart will start pounding nervously. Oh God, what do I do today? Should I make him hold my hands in the cinema if we end up wtching a movie? Should I kiss him? How do I do it? Where? I felt like a criminal, plotting something in my mind.

Just as I got there, he calls and says he'll be a bit late as he is just leaving the office and he told me to go 'window shopping'. So window shopping I went, trying out clothes, shoes, handbags and perfumes. Half an hour later he calls and asks, 'Hey babe, where are you?' Oooo...'babe' I felt excited by that change in how he calls me. My cheeks started to burn and I got butterflies in my stomach. Sigh....

He hugged and kissed me tenderly on both cheeks (heheheheh) when he saw me. I liked the way he touched the small of my back when he pulled me near. So we started talking and talking. See, that's the thing with Mr. No-Commitment. We can talk for hours and I don't have to be afraid that I'll be out of topic. There is never a moment of silence. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I talk a lot too okay. He picked the restaurant this time. He said if he left it to me, we'll end up in Chili's. So we ended up in Little Penang Cafe. We had kuay teow, kerabu and otak-otak. As usual, when I talk, he listens, nods, smiles and make the right sounds at every few minutes. I love this.

We sat there talking till everyone left and the restaurant about to close. Then we adjourned to, yeah you guessed it, Chili's for margharitas. He had Presidente and I had El Nino, which was heaven!! So off course after a few drinks, we laughed easier. Our hands brushed together at different intervals, courtesy of my criminal mind plotting on the way there. At one point he was quite sweet. I was telling him about how I have to go for grooming classes. I have to wear suits to work and I'll either have to wear my hair up in a bun or cut it short. And he looked at me, and said 'Wear your hair in a bun, don't cut it. I like how it falls on your shoulders like that...' I had to restrain myself from jumping up and down. I told myself to breath in and out. But All that came out was an excited smile. And I started touching my hair self-consciously.

Finally it was time to leave. I had to work the next day and he had golf classes. As usual, he walked me back to my car. In my tipsiness, I forgot where I parked it. So we were practically going around in circles, looking for my car. My criminal, plotting mind made me hold on to his hands as walked the parking lot. I had to get some cheap thrill before I left so if it had to boil down to hand-holding than it had to boil down to hand holding. I can't kiss him in the parking lot in full view of others can I? Anyway, he held my hands tight because I was giggling a bit too much. I tell you, if only my friends were there to watch the entire thing, they'd die of laughter lah!

I was never more unhappy to see my car. He found it all too soon. But he took my car keys from me, opened the door and asked repeatedly if I was okay to drive home. I said, 'Yes' and giggled. He cast a worried look at me and started my car for me. 'Call me if you loose your way or once you get home (I have accidently taken wrong turnings home before). Call me if anything okay?' and kiss my right cheek. I smiled like a lovesick teenager and waved my hands gingerly. He smiled and watched me reverse. Once he was sure I could get out of the parking space safely, he walked back into the shopping mall to go to his car.

He called when I was on the way to check if I was okay. How sweet. See? Now you guys know why I like him right? He's nice. He listens when I talk and he doesnt take advantage of me. And, he sents me back to my car. Sayang Mr. No-Commitment!

Miss-Make-A-Fool_Out-Of-Myself!

I am often like Miss-Make-A-Fool-Out-Of-Myself. Some of my friends have had laughing fits at my expense. Remember Mr.Boobies? Yeah. So recently as everyone already know, I started my new job in a totally whole new environment. Where I used to work, whatever I did on a daily basis does not really allow me to interact with my boss but, It's totally different here. As secretary, I'm supposed to know everything at the back of my hands and ready to jump to do anything asked by my boss, the General Manager. So in the first week that I started, my boss wanted to know which phone number belongs to which phone in the office and he wanted me to have one phone to myself. There were three all together. So he asked me to dial my own mobile number and see which number appears from which phone on the screen of my mobile. In my state of blur-ness, I kept on dialing and dialing a different number, because I was nervous. Sweat started trickling down my back. Then when I finally resigned to the fact that I couldn't get through my number I panicked and asked my boss my number. How silly! Why would he know my number at the back of his head? Needless to say, he looked at me blankly , not to mention oddly, and said, 'huh?' before going back to his work. I felt really silly at that point. Only then my number came flooding back to me. I was perplexed and felt sheepish at the same time. I could only guess what my boss was thinking at that point of time. What kind of silly girl is this to forget her own mobile number? And will she be able to do what I expect of her? God!! I irritate myself! I could just imagine that if my friends from Astro were there, they'd probably have a field day! Well, I'm glad to be of help, even if it means making a clown out of myself. Here's to my friends from Astro, Cheers!