Procrastination

I have a bad trait. Its procrastination. When I was in standard six, i used to go for tuition and leading to the door of the tuition centre, in bold capital letters, on a piece of paper plastered on the wall, it said "Procrastination is the thief of time". And i remember it till today. Because, it is my middle name. I love leaving things to be done at the last minute. From small, simple issues like, leaving it till the last minute to send my material to the tailor to sew clothes for Hari Raya. Or leaving it till the last minute to renew my license. To more serious things like putting off making a police report for my lost car, putting off my divorce case year after year (It's done now though).There are many, many things i do till the last minute. It's really bad and I blame it all on my father. Hehe....(Yeah, someone's gotta take the blame for it and it sure hell isn't gonna be me.) I think i got that trait from him. I see him procrastinating all the time. We procrastinators like to challenge things around us in a scarily easy-going manner. Its not that we want to challenge life but whatever the reason, it isn't something that should be condoned. Abraham Lincoln once said, "Things might come to those who wait, but only those things which are left behind by those who hustle". So true. I know I have to change my attitude. As I grow older, I have come to terms with my shortcomings, my imperfectness and everything else that use to make me think that I am not as good enough as the person next to me. But as I progress on, I have come to terms with the fact that there are some things in life I can't change and there are some things in life I can change. And for those that I seemingly can't, like maybe a prominent feature on my face which I was never happy about-well, to hell with that. I have accepted myself the way I am. This is how God created me and I am now fine with it. Maybe I wasn't appreciative enough before, but, hey, there are people out there who have facial deformities and here I am complaining about a crooked nose. Yeah. And I realize that when I came to terms with who I am, what I am, How I look like, I actually like myself better. I am more comfortable in my own skin. And I carry myself better than the days when I was seemingly chronic and moronic. And for those things that I can change, well, I look forward to making myself a better person. I am analyzing those things I don't like about myself. I'm proud that I can admit my faults, failures and disabilities. Not all people are able to do that. Not all people have the ability to analyze themselves as they go along in their daily lives, walking around with eyes wide shut at their own faults while micro scoping the faults of others. We are only humans. If we are perfect, then it means we are divine, which we are not. I have a long way to go before I can be really happy with my soul, but at least I am aware that I have faults and want to change. Its a lot more than I can say for some people around me. It may take many more years before I stop being a procrastinator, but I really hope I get there. I hope I won't be the case of 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks'. God, I hope not. Because procrastination is indeed the thief of time and I am cheating myself of having a good life.

The Company You keep

The friends you choose reflect the kind of person you really are.. If you run with wolves, you will learn to howl. But if associate with the eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. "A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses". The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those whom you closely associate-for the good or bad.

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Anytime you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and pessimism. As you grow, your friends will change. Some of them will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will help you shape and achieve you dreams or choke your vision. Those that don't increase will eventually decrease you

Remember:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people.
Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always the first ones to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You will get the worse of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.
Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.
With some people you spent an evening, with others, you invest in it.
Be careful where you stop and inquire for directions along the road of life.
Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendship.

Happy Moments? Praise God
Difficult Moments? Seek God
Quiet Moments? Worship God
Painful Moments? Trust God
Every Moment? Thank God

Where You Habour The Ship

There is an old ancient Chinese saying...okay I'm not too sure of the EXACT line, but it goes something like this 'It's not where you harbour the ship, it's where you anchor it. Sometimes when the anchor lands in the wrong place, it loosens with tide. When its in the right place, it does not go anywhere no matter how strong the current or wind. My boss said it. He always has old ancient Chinese sayings to say.

Is it not profound? I absolutely love that particular saying. The Chinese have many ancient sayings and proverbs which are so meaningful not to mention brilliantly put. God has put everyone here on earth for a reason. How we make it better for ourselves and how we sail ourselves to a particular destination is entirely up to us. We have the potential to change our lives for good or for bad. If we lead our ship to treacherous waters, just because we did not think ahead to chart the journey...i mean, there could a water hole in that particular stretch of the ocean, just waiting to suck you in...we could land ourselves in trouble. Oh, nobody knows in which point of their lives that they will end up anchoring in shallow waters...meaning we don't know where we'll end up right? But, the point is to chart the course of action. We have to have an action plan. What is it that we want to do, what is it we hope to achieve, where is it we hope to end up and with whom.

Without proper planning, we are just like a ship in the harbour...with no directions...all tied down to the anchor. We don't even know where to go and what to do. yes, off course some people want to be like the speed boat or a jet ski...rushing around here and there with hopes to get to their destinations faster but, the irony of it is that, they do get there faster, but where? They're all over the place without proper planning. Oh yes, they have fun...I mean, the adrenaline rush you get when you are in the fast lane, doing things you are not suppose to do and the excitement that comes with it...I guess, for a while, it really is exciting. But in the end, when you really want to anchor somewhere, that is when you realize that all you have is some measly beach, totally different from what you expected in your haste and rush to get there faster than everyone else.

But if the ship in the harbour is anchored up tightly there. She's all sure that's where she wants to be. This is what makes her happy to be where she is. Because ultimately, she has chartered her course of life and planned her journey to the destination very well thought of, and she leads her ship with ease throughout her entire journey. Oh, there could be rain, thunderstorms, icebergs ahead...but after all of it has died down, she is happy. Just happy to be there.

I guess we should all think about ourselves for a minute. What makes us who we are. Is it family? Is it the friends that surrounds us? Our environment? What are the plans that we have made for ourselves? How do we get there? Are we even halfway there? What about our dreams of becoming this or that? Wanting to do this and that? Are we strong enough for the journey? Are our emotions and feelings in control? What happens when we fail? You can only succeed when you have fail, how else would you have the experience to learn and make it better right?

I was driving to work today thinking about how my world seems to be falling apart to pieces on one side but picking up on the other side. And i laughed at its irony. I could only feel the love of God flowing through me. I'm so happy to be alive, limbs in tact. I'm so happy i have these big beautiful eyes to see the beauty around me and to utter words from my mouth. I need to anchor, but at the moment, this ship is still sailing around looking for a harbour. I don't know where it is yet. I'm the sort of person that charts my course from point to point. I have a lot to learn. I see rocky waters up ahead but I'm looking forward for an uneventful journey because an eventful journey is boring. But hopefully not too many 'iceberg's ahead' too many times. I'd like to anchor soon. Don't you?

Motherhood for Dummies

I seriously think there should be a publication for this. A little while ago, i had been very busy at work and felt awful for neglecting my kids. It was the pre-Chinese New Year period and there was tons of workload and i kept on leaving the office after 8pm daily. For a while, i felt awful but as routine sets in, i didn't really worry so much for coming home late. After all, the kids had their toys, Disney cd's not to mention all the children's programs on the Astro TV. Maybe if I keep on repeating this over and over again, I'll actually feel better. Yeah, who am i kidding?

Then one day when i came home i saw my kids asleep already and i felt like a terrible mom. I mean, it's not easy being a single mom. Other kids have another parent around when they work late. My kids have the live-in maid. This single issue kept playing in my mind. So i decided that I'll give them a treat on Friday. I'd come home and take them out to the local mall, Jusco, about fifteen minutes drive from my apartment. I felt better. At least i had plans for the kids drawned up that weekend.

So Friday came and i left work early, to be home early, to have a cup of coffee and get refreshed a little before i take my kids out. I told my maid to dress them up, and out they came from their room looking like the two most adorable cherubs on earth. I was so pleased. So my maid packed up their milk and change and off we went, with my kids laughing and giggling noisily as we made our way into the basement to the car. I felt like the world's greatest mom, i tell you. I made myself feel better by pretending that this was an everyday occurrence.

Once we got there, i put my son, the cheekiest and the world's most inquisitive child I've ever known, into the stroller and buckled him up. He yelled in protest but settled down after realizing he was getting nowhere by doing so. I dislike children holding tantrums. In public is even worse. So i held my daughters hands and with my maid pushing my son in the stroller next to me, we stepped into the elevator and down we went to the first floor. I wanted to take my kids to MPH Bookstore. My children love books. And they had a variety of books for kids.

So there i was choosing books for my children. My daughter was pointing out the books she wanted. All on Barbie's, ponies, fairies. My son wanted books on dinosaurs, trains and cars, and god forbid, put his stubby little fingers on a children's masak-masak set. My son loves those things but I'm getting a teeny bit worried here. Is it okay to let him play with girls toys? There are a few theories to why he likes playing with girly toys is because, one, he doesn't have a male role model directly at home. He sees my dad only at weekends. So he does not really know the difference between the girly stuff and the boyish stuff. Two, my daughter plays with her toys all the time and my son loves to grab toys from her and claims them as his own. Then they will start squabbling and screaming. You can imagine what girly toys are right? Barbie dolls and such. God. They should teach us something. Like how to handle these issues. I have zero knowledge on this.

So back to the store. As i was busy picking out the books, whem suddenly my maid gave a cry and in a split second, my son jumped out from his stroller and bolted out of the door! My maid ran out after him. I, too let go of all the books i was holding, grabbed my daughters hands and ran out of the MPH entrance in time to see my son jumping on the escalator and my maid in tow, grabbing him by the shoulder. My son screamed in delight as he thought it was the best catching game ever. I mean, what can be more fun than jumping on the escalator in a state of euphoria and looking down through the glass right? Right. If you were three. I wanted to smack him. But the only thoughts running through my mind then was, that's it. Someone is going to kidnap my son and my maid. The area has been known for its reputation as a crime scene area with kidnapping of children and snatch thefts. CSI would have a ball game should they reach these shores. I shudder in horror at the thought.

Anyway, lo and behold, my maid came back down the return escalator, my mischevious son in tow. I thought thats it. I'll go get the books and leave the mall as soon as i can. So we went back into the store. I grabbed whatever books i could, quickly paid for it. My heart was beating wildly. It could have been worse, what just happened. My hands shook as i paid and walked out. I told my maid we were going home. So we took the lift and went to the parking area. My son, who didn't want to to be strapped in the stroller again, sprinted accross the parking bays, a avoided being hit by an on-coming car just by inches!. My heart skipped a few beats. This is not good for my health. I ran to catch my son, who seems to think its a game. I had to swallow in my embarrasement as onlookers shook their heads in disgust.

I took a deep breath and manage to put the kids and the maid in the car. When i got in i realized that i haven't paid my parking ticket. This is really not my day. I told the kids to be quiet and told my maid to hold on to them tight and I'll be back in a jiffy. I went out and stood in line of a couple of people. I was tapping my feet as the cashier was taking too long to do her job. After paying, i walked to my car and as i got nearer, my knees almost buckled. I left the engine running and now my car was nowhere to be seen! Don't panic i told myself. I walked nearer. As i got there, i could slowly see my car making its way back into the parking bay. I breathed a sigh of relief. But the three men pushing my car slowly into the parking lot wasn't amused. One of them asked me, 'Is this yours?!'. I could only nod. I could barely speak. I gulped and got into my car and closed my eyes. After a few minutes I opened it and asked my maid what happened. Apparently, my daughter knocked the car to reverse gear when she climbed from the front seat to the back seat. Luckily the car didn't knock or injure anyone. My mind was reeling from all the could have's.

I drove back in silence. I thanked God Almighty for sparing me or any ordeal worse that what just happened. But i vowed never to take my kids to any shopping mall alone again, ever. Not even when i feel guilty. I was being irresponsible just because I felt guilty. I chastised myself for putting my kids and the maid in danger. The mat sallehs in the movies makes it look so easy. Packing their kids and going to shopping malls. But i just realize that it just that. A set. It isn't real. All mothers try to care for their children as best as they can. But nothing can be done if the situation gets out of control unintentionally.

There should be a book 'Motherhood for Dummies'. I mean there are so many things we have to learn. Everday is a new day. New issues to handle. I mean, everyone told me i'd be a good mother, but I'm not so sure. People tell me, take the kids out once in a while and let them have fun. And see what happens when i do that. Some say don't give kids too much candy or chocolates else they be hyperactive on a sugar-high and others say, why are you depriving the children of treats made for them?. Some say give the kids more fruits and others say dont give too much bananas, papayas and watermelons because its cold and brings a bout of wind in their tummies. Some way don't hit your children but others say thats the only way to discipline them. Some like their kids to jump around, scream and just be themselves as that's what kids do but i can't stand naughty children who jump around sofas and coffee tables, not in my own house and certainly not in someone else'. Well, I'm a dummy through and through when it comes to raising children but i hope not to go from dumb to dumber as i grow older. Some people let their kids run wild in a relative's house because they think its okay. But children needs to learn discipline and if we don't teach them the rules and guide them from an early start, they start being rude and take advantage of you as time goes by.