Men are from Mars? Yes, they are!

Okay so remember that whole men are from Mars, Women are from Venus article i wrote a little while back? Remember the guy who wasn't ready for commitment? The guy i kinda fancy? Well, yours truly went out on a date with him last night. Hehe...

It all started (again) like this...After i left my previous company and embarked on a new exciting journey into the world of the unknown (hmm...sounds dark and twisty...it's not. Its just a whole new alien industry for me), Mr.No-Commitment hardly calls or texts. For a while it was irritating and I can't recall how many times my fingers were just itching to pick up my phone to call him. Then came the next phase where i thought, ah, to hell with him. I mean, why am i going on and on about him when I know already what he wants is really to have a relationship with no strings attached. I swore never to go out with him ever. Even if he begged on his knees i won't. So there. I'll show him. There, I was feeling better already.

Then last week i e-mailed him my new e-mail add. Still no reply. God, how irritating. But i know he's not the sort of person to simply ignore me without reason. So giving him the benefit of the doubt, i went on my usual activities...I got a text message. Yay! He has been busy. Hmm. Okayyy...Then somehow the topic of movie came up and we decided to watch a movie. Wolverine. Immediately after our date was confirmed, i called one of my girlfriends. I said, 'Guess what?! Guess who asked me out?!' I asked excitedly. My girlfriend was equally excited. 'Oh my god, who ah...' she was trying to think and came up with a string of names of all the guys i was currently either dating or yeah, well, um, dating. Hehe. When she volunteered the fifth wrong name, i got impatient and blurted out Mr.No-Commitment's name. She started laughing and said 'Oh my god, i thought someone said she's never ever going to go out with him again,' she mimicked what i said just a couple of weeks back. I just giggled innocently and promised to tell her everything when i got back from the date. Really, i felt like a 17 year old on a date rather than a matured 32 year old mother of two.

So off i went getting ready for my date on Saturday. I washed and blew my hair (but not at Aunty's place!), then i had threading done, i waxed my legs, i painted my fingernails and toenails...I was so busy getting ready. I wore my decent yet sexy top. It had to be decent because i was at my parent's place and sexy to attract Mr.No-Commitment but not over the top, I don't want to appear crude or vulgar.

So as i was driving to Mid Valley, I got a bit of stage fright. I had all this plan drawned up of how to make him hold my hands but as i got nearer, i was freaking out. What if i said something stupid? And anybody who knows me better KNOWS what I'm capable of saying or doing to make a fool out of myself. At anytime. It holds no boundaries whatsoever. Anytime, anyplace.

In panic, i called a girlfriend but she didn't pick up the call. The i called another one. She too didn't pick up my call. Then the first girlfriend called back. Thank God. I asked her what to do. Mind you, she's 26. Well, i really need help. I haven't done these things in a while. She said, whatever i do, DON'T bring my shawl. Okay. What movie are you watching? English? Tamil? If its English, it will end in one and a half hour. So sometime after the first half an hour, turn to the guy and mention something about the air-condition being cold. He will catch the drift. Trust me, she says. And i went like, Aha..and how old is your boyfriend babe? She giggles and says 27. Great. Mr.No-Commitment is 39. It probably won't work on him. He'll probably tell me to bring my shawl the next time. Nooo, it works on all men says my girlfriend swears confidently.

So with great confidence i parked my car and went in. Ready for the battle. He found me wandering, looking around me, trying to pick a landmark to write and save in my phone so i wouldn't loose my way later. He looked good. My heart did flip-flops. I chastised my betraying heart for feeling that. He said he bought the tickets and let's have dinner. So off we went, chatting and laughing till we reached the restaurant, which was packed obviously since its a Saturday night. After we sat, we ordered, the food and margaritas came...the both of us were laughing easily by then, the after effects of margaritas. Oh, what bliss...We chatted till it was five minutes to ten until i reminded him that the movie was at ten. He called for the check, paid, and off we went to the cinema.

We sat down. Me at the end. I could tell it was going to be very, very, cold. I wondered if i had been too hasty in not bringing my shawl just for the sake of getting some action for myself. No time to feel remorseful now. The commercials came on and i was giggling at each and every one of it. I can't remember now for the life of me what the commercials were all about. But it must have been funny. Really. Then the movie started and i excitedly watched it, grabbing his arms every now and then when i felt 'scared'. I was warming up.

About halfway into the show, his arms and my arms were both on the armrest of our seat, when he reached out and slowly rubbed my arms. 'Feeling cold?' he asked, looking at me. Yes, i said, nodding my head gingerly, and pretending i couldn't do anything about it now since i don't have my shawl and all. I was thanking God silently in my heart for letting him bring up the subject first. Imagine if i had to do it. 'Put you fingers here' he whispered softly as he guided my cold fingers to the folds of his arms. My mind was not on the movie now. Thank god, I've already watched it at the premiere with my girlfriends! But it was getting colder. My right hands were freezing. I said, 'It's so cold!' and held out my hands for him to touch. He touched my hands 'God your fingers are freezing!' he exclaims and takes them into his hands and started rubbing them. He was being very sweet. I sigh happily and rested my head on his shoulders. Mission accomplished. Not bad.

So the movie ended, all too soon for me. I was sad when it ended. My little rendezvous ended too. So on my way home, i was thinking about the whole thing all the way. I called my girlfriend and told her he held my hands and she was laughing and laughing. I was laughing too. Yeah. That little gesture made me happy. So here's the question. Are men really from Mars? They must be. They are aliens even to themselves. They don't know what they want. Someone has to spell it out to them and then they realize it. I mean, why say something one minute and do something totally contradicting the very next minute right? They don't know what they have until they loose it. Silly creatures. And they think they are macho.

As for me, after the very long conversation i had tonight with another girlfriend. I've had this friend since i was 14. That's a damn long time. One of my dearest friends. This is what i told her. I want to be the new age woman. I want to be in charge. I want to be the one to be able to pick and choose the guy i want to go out with. I will be forward with them when I want to. I will kiss them when I want to. I am not going to give them the option of being the anointed one, the chosen one, to make decisions (or at least decisions at this stage. They can be the manly-man later), where for centuries, it has been in the male jurisdiction to make decisions. We women of the 22nd century have to start changing ourselves for our own benefits. Do what we want, do what we think is right. Go for it. By letting men be just who they are, they will never be humble and down to earth just like how we women have been made to feel in the last few hundred years.

I saw this movie on HBO. Elizabeth: The Golden ages. Queen Elizabeth was a known as a virgin queen because she never married until her death, at the age of 70. She had suitors, which included Sir Walter Raleigh, the handsome pirate who discovered the new world. She never once made herself to feel that she was the unlucky one because she wasn't married or couldn't find a husband. Instead, in her elegant demeanor, she exudes charm and grace and made herself out to be the one in power. And that she was the one who should choose, and if there was no one befitting for a women of her intelligence and manner, then she chose to be alone. She turned down all suitors. She's amazing. She called all the shots. That's who we must be like too.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Last week my parents invited some friends for dinner and i wanted to get my hair done so people wouldn't think I'm the god forsaken 31 year old daughter of Mr.my father and Mrs.my mother, who is divorced with two kids, wears revealing clothes and has very bad, messy, hair to top it all. My sister always has perfect hair.

So off i went, driving on the quiet streets of Melawati, on a super hot sunday afternoon. The late afternoon sun was a bit too sunny for my liking. A strawberry sunday would be just the thing to cool off...or a dip in the pool.

I'm digressing. That's what heat does to you, in case you didn't already know. It makes you hallucinate. So anyway, i parked my car and went in Sally's Hairdresser Shop. It was one of those olden day kinda of haircut joint where old aunties with opera like make up and penciled or tattooed brows would sit down sipping tea and gossiping noisily about how Ah Mei, Poh Yan's grand daughter, who by the way just came back from Perth, is seeing a Dato's son or how Ah Chai, Major Yap's son two lanes down, has shocked everyone by marrying inter-racially (shocking!) a year ago without telling anyone or how the three girls of Mrs. so and so came back drunk last night in revealing clothes and while laughing noisily, they accidently triggered the alarm to their house, which made an awful wailing sound, causing old Mrs boo hoo from next door to yell at them through the window, shaking her walking sick, which made the girls laugh even louder. Badly brought up girls they say with a huff. The conversations were done while they had their heads in curlers or steamers.

So in i went, my messy hair in a ponytail, wagging behind me. All of a sudden, a middle age lady whom I had never seen before, jumped in front of me. I retreated my steps a little at her sudden move. "hallo we have a special offer today. Just today only mah. You can steam your hair and then we blow for you for eighty ringgit only". I stared at her. "Oh no, i just want to wash and blow. How much would it cost?" I asked. I had been there a few times and i knew it would cost around fifteen ringgit.

"Owh, your hair ah, very long one...why don't you get a haircut oso? Got split ends mah, tsk tsk" she said, clicking her tingue and shaking her head and scruitinizing my hair closely. Ok, at this point, i was feeling slightly harrased. I looked at her, and putting on my most no-nonsense face and in my most no-nonsense voice, said pointedly, "I just want a haircut and i want to know how much it cost".

She wasn't in the least bit perturbed by my obvious irritation. "But it cost the same oni to cut, wash and blow" she insisted, staring back at me. "Yeah, but i'm in a hurry so i just need a wash and blow," I said, and finished of that tiny white lie with a little smile. At the moment, Sally, the owner walked by as asked her what's going on. So i turned to Sally and pretended Aunty wasn't there. "Hi, i just want to wash and blow my hair" my sentence was neither a statement nor was it a question. I was obviously uncomfortable at the point. She couldn't look at my face as she knew that i knew how much it'll cost. They exchanged a few words in cantonese and Aunty said, "Ok, ok, sit...". Finally! I thought as i sat on the designated hair-cutting chairs with stray hair on it's seat.

But she wasn't done yet. "So what shampoo you want to use ah? We got herbal, medicated, with hot oil treatment or the normal one. But your scalp ah, is very dry one, so i suggest you use the herbal one ah..is very goood," She stretched the word good to five seconds. "Ok, yes," I said curtly, not wanting to prolong any conversaion with her. She was irritating me.

"Good" she said, again in that stretched five seconds. The without warning, she picks up a satchet from the trolley next to her, cuts it off with a pair of scissors and poured the entire content onto my head. I was looking at her antics through the mirror. The she started massaging my hair roughly and quickly as though she was kneeding dough. I felt so harrassed!. I looked at her and said, "Can you please do it gently, you are hurting my scalp". Without even looking at me, she says, "But you in a hurry whaaat...so i do quickly for you mah, don't wan't you to be late". Was it me or did she just say that purposely to spite me? Hmm...I looked around. The other two indonesian girls were busy with someone else. I really felt like walking away and i would have if it wasnt for the fact that my hair was wet and soapy.

My mobile phone beeped and i took it. As i was replying, without warning, she says "Come, wash now". I pretended not to hear hear and continued to reply to my sms when she tugged my hair and said, "Come wash your hair or you'll be late". I looked at her from the mirror, snapped my handphone into my handbag, gave a loud, irritating sigh and stood up with a huff.

After i sat on the deck chair at the washing area and positioned myself comfortably, she turned on the shower and sprayed water on my hair, and large amounts of water started pouring on my back. "Uh, there's water dripping on my back," I said, shifting uncomfortably. "Ya lor, you never sit properly wan...I was in UK for five years ah, and this is how they wash hair there you know..." She said with pride. I was thinking yeah, in chinatown maybe. Then she asked, "What shampoo you use ah?". I really wanted her to stop talking but it seems a very farfetched notion. I took a deep breath and said, "Vidal Sassoon". Must i discuss my toilettries with her? All i want is a wash and a blow, is that too difficult to ask? God. "Owh, Johnson and Johnson ah...that one for babies...you are a big girl so must use better quality one mah...no wonder your hair very thin one" She said happily nodding her head. Like she was Agatha Christie, happy that she solved a mystery. I just looked at the ceiling, wondering when its going to end...

Finally she hastened me to get up and tied my hair in a small towel, but not before wiping my ears like i was a child of seven. "Okay, now you sit. I get three people to blow your hair because you are in a hurry".

"I'm not in that of a hurry" I said through gritted teeth, as i walked back to my seat. But she didnt hear me, or pretended not to hear me and the next thing i know, three people, including her, were blowing my hair in all directions.

I was done in a record of ten minutes. And she charged me twenty five ringgit. What the f....!! I didn't want to waste my time nor my energy there anymore. So i paid and walked out vowing never to come back. I just wanted a wash and blow for crying out loud!

But atleast my hair looked presentable during dinner and i forgot about the incident a little while later as guests arrive and complimented my sister on her hair. Oh, the irony of life....

A Fishy Story...

Hmm...something has been bothering me lately.

Remember the saying "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't it was never meant to be?' Well, whoever invented that is a moron. Seriously. I mean, really. It should start with "If you love SOMEONE, put him on a leach , he's difficult enough to find without you trying to set him free!"

I'm all for going after the one i like. I mean, if you like the guy, go ahead and let him know right. What's so wrong with it? Gone are the days where a girl have to wait till the guy gives the go ahead sign. The green light to go further with the relationship. Why do we let ourselves be subjected to such consternation? Why do we let the guys call the shots?

If you like, or ok love, someone, let him know! Carpe diem! Seize the day! If he doesn't like you in return, well, So what?! Guys don't think much when they go after the girl they really like. Do you think they need to stop and think, 'oh my god, what if she doesn't like me?. Even if they do, its a tiny percentage, a fraction of the actual number of men plus they don't really care anyway if the girl they kinda fancy is not into them. Reason? Well, there are plenty of other fishes in the sea.

Similarly, we gals should adopt the same attitude when we see a guy we fancy. Chances are, the guy will be flattered. And even if you guys don't hit off, so what?! I mean, the excitement of actually taking charge of yourself and your destiny will really make it worth the while. We should take things a day at a time. Be more lenient with ourselves. Yeah, we can be so hard on ourselves.

We diet, we exercise, we eat vegetables or take yogurt and even drink just milk to bring our weight down because we think men will like us more if we look like a wafer or a cracker. We go shopping, buy new clothes that flatter our looks, buy new shoes to flatter our feet, buy new handbags to flatter our image. We paint our faces to soften our looks and make us sweeter...all because we hope that the guy we like will notice us and fall for us. Would a guy do the same for a girl? Umm..i don't think so mate!

I don't see a guy buying clothes, shoes or perfume to flatter a woman. Hell, they are probably drinking milk out of a box because there's nothing else in the refrigerator and they are thirsty or hungry (there is only one, ONE, signal transmission to the brains for hunger, thirst, sex, work, women, sex, boobs, hunger...the list goes on and on). And if you happen to see a guy buying all that for someone's attention, it is probably for a guy coz he's gay, so it doesn't matter and it still comes down to the same point. Men are self centered as they think the world revolves around them and if it doesn't the world is about to end. Example, when a man is sick, everything must come to a standstill because he is sick. Sick means almost like he's dying. Of the common flu. When a woman is sick, she still gets up, dress up and show up. She's so strong, despite a sniffle or two here and there.

So when a woman finds the man of her dreams, so to say, she should go for it. Grab him before anyone else does man! Exert yourself so that no one else gets him. Because if you don't, well...remember the story about a thousand fishes in the sea...yeah, so don't dilly dally. Keep him on a tight leach. But not tight enough for people to start wondering who wears the pants though...that could be damaging to your alter ego. But you catch the drift right?...Don't, by all means, let him go unless it isn't worth it.

This is the 22nd century. We should surge forward. Men and women are equal now right? RIGHT? Yeah right. There's still a long way more to go for that to happen but we women of today can start changing the common perception that allows men to be in charge of the dating scene and monopolize it. Go for it. Ask them out for a date. Dump them! Seriously they won't know what hit them! And so what if they are not into you? There are many other fishes in the sea. Yeah, still with the fish story. Only time differentiates the fact if you've got the fish now or later. Fish again. I got a fixation with it. Ok not me, but a close friend and i think it's rubbed on to me a little. Ok I'm digressing here a bit...but to get back to the point...

A guy told me the other day that women cheats as well. This is what i answered him. Women are naturally intelligent and are fast learners. That's why we mature faster than boys anyway. Men cheat first and now women are slowly getting the hang of it and are learning very fast from their male counterparts. The dark ages have gone and the new age of enlightenment has dawned. If a women cheats, there must be some logic reason behind it, for we are not philanderer's by nature. And, if men are complaining now about how many women cheat these days, it's because they are just sour that women are beating them at their own game, and winning too! I say, never cheat on a woman. My friend, needless to say, was speechless.

Motherhood

Motherhood

Motherhood is nature's way of balancing the good and the bad. I have learned not to swear so much...I have learned that to be a good parent means to learn through trial and error. There is no right or wrong. There is no specific way of doing something. I also learned that just because your parents did it their way, does not mean that your way is wrong. Above all, i learned respect.

Respect. I read an article the other day about a woman whose husband kept on complaining how rude the kids are then the next minute he shouts and yells at them, telling them to get him this, to get him that without even saying please. I tell you...if only i could kick his ass...I like to live by the following words. "Lead by example". Simple and yet so profound.

Children are fast learners. They pick up every word, every gesture, every move, easily. I don't know. I get horrified when i see people picking on their kids. Personally, i talk to my kids as though they understand every single word i say. I have been doing that since day one for both my kids. No baby talks. No rudeness. Just plain, simple old fashion talk. With authority off course.

Like if i ask my kids to do something, i always say please at the end. I give them the respect they deserve and they do it willingly. I'm happy to report that when they want me to do something for them, they say please. It's really nice. I'm so proud of them and at myself. I mean, there was a time when i was doubtful i could be a good mom, a good single mom at that. But all these little achievements make me realize I'm not too bad after all and I'm better than some examples that surrounds me.

Doormat or Flying Carpet?

A couple of months ago, my immediate superior at the office reprimanded my work and referred to the whole thing as me not using my brains, all the while pointing towards her head. She even said she didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at my schedule. Now, this is not the first time it has happened. This would be the third maybe fourth time. I'm thinking she's on a roll here. Where or what is the boundary set at in respect to the way you talk to someone not only in the workplace but even between friends, cousins or siblings?

The incident at the office left me angry. How dare she talk to me in that manner! And it wasn't even remotely discreet. She made it as loud as possible. What was she trying to prove? Excuse the pun, but my job was only scheduling, which meant planning some sort of strategy on the content of my channels. Not difficult. Easy. Piece of cake. But she always took her job too seriously, thus reprimanding me and a fellow colleague (who is pregnant...) on our scheduling patterns. I mean, i consider myself to be reasonably open to criticisms. I say reasonably because I'm reasonable. I can take criticisms to a certain extend. I'd say my threshold to pain has tripled the past years due to the emotional and the psychological pain endured. And I'm only human.

But being a doormat. I smiled and walked away, chastising myself for not being able to speak up. I can never do it. Then when the moment has passed, i get angry with myself for letting people get away with how they treat me and talk to me.

In our conservative Asian culture, we were brought up never to talk back to our elders. But i have to say respect has a lot to do with how we react. If the boundaries are pushed over and over again. If our elders speak to us with disrespect, then we really must speak up or forever hold our tongues and suffer internally. Respect is earned not handed over on a silver platter. As much as our culture literally prohibits us to be disrespectful, it is pretty much lopsided in terms how they judge based pn age. Younger people are not allowed to be rude but older people can and when someone younger is rude, they are labeled as many things.

Then again what about younger people being rude to their elders? Sometimes it can be quite a dilemma, especially when people you love, admire or respect are rude and totally disregards your feelings.

In conclusion as i grow older and want to do so gracefully, i imagine myself to transforming into a flying carpet. Doormats are so yesterday. Flying carpet is the new age doormat. I may still not be able to tell people off all the time but i will try at least. See the thing is i get stupefied when something is thrown directly on my face. I'm not for one to immediately jump in fits of rage. But i must do it for my own sake. Otherwise what's to become of me, my integrity and what i believe in.

As much as i might want to fly off the handle, i believe in this saying. "A smart person knows what to say all the time, but a wise person knows when not to say it". Yes. The flying carpet syndrome by farah nazneen. See sometimes its not about standing up for yourself. Its about being more mature. See when you say something mean to someone, at that particular moment, all is lost. The respect given to you is taken away drastically. The person then treats you just as how you treated them. So, you want respect, give it first.